The “Shoulds”

The day after Thanksgiving can feel like a minefield of “shoulds.”

The turkey is gone, the dishes are mostly done, and suddenly the inner commentator shows up with a clipboard. We should feel grateful. We should not eat leftovers. We should get up early for Black Friday deals. We should be productive on our day off. It sounds like accountability, but the tone is more courtroom than compass. “Shoulds” tend to flatten the complexity of our lives into a binary: either we obey the rule or we fail. On holidays—when grief, recovery, family systems, and cultural scripts collide—those rules can feel louder, harsher, and more absolute.